This morning as I lay on the examination table, just as I had a fistful of clear goop smeared on my belly, I realized I didn't have my cellphone.
"Wait a second," I said, "is it okay if I record this for my husband?"
The nurse-midwife smiled and got my purse for me, and I hit "record" as I listened to my baby's heartbeat for the first time.
What a beautiful hello, this first tangible contact with my baby's existence, his life.
As little as a week before getting a positive test I would have told you I'd be more than happy to get pregnant again at any time, and that was true. So I felt guilty and a little confused when my first emotional reaction to finding out was so ... mixed. Weirdly, I found myself wishing that it had come just one month later. I can't give you a good reason why. Just hormones, I guess.
But walking out of the midwife center into the sunny morning, my heart was shining and I couldn't stop smiling, and I felt so, so grateful for this new little life, for our growing family.
Keith took Michael with him to adoration this morning and was on the bus when I sent the sound file of the heartbeat. He texted me back to say Michael smiled when he heard it.
When I met them at the Oratory I was struck by how much of a baby Michael still is, even though he turned 13 months yesterday, even though he is not a "little baby" as I still so often call him. I know that by the time his sibling arrives he won't be a baby anymore. He'll be a toddler. So while this pregnancy is flying by of its own accord, I wouldn't rush it, or him, or his sibling, not for anything.
How beautiful God's timing is. How much He has given us.