Light

The angle of the light has changed.

It must happen gradually, but every year around this time it seems to happen all of a sudden. One day I'm sitting in the chair by the window with a book, and then I look up and the late morning sun is falling across the books and floorboards in a new way, lighting up a beauty otherwise easily missed.

I've been in something of a funk the past week. Due in no small part, I'm sure, to the whole sleep situation around here. (Last night various babies woke up approximately 9:30,11:30, 12:00, 1:30, 2:30, 4:30, and after that I don't remember. That was particularly bad but if you cut out two or three of those wakings you have my average night. So maybe this post isn't going to make any sense. I am drinking lots of tea. I blather on about sleep too much on my blog. Sorry.)

So yes, tired. But also just discontent. I would look at a room I'd just cleaned and straightened, everything in its place and all in order, which usually brings such a feeling of satisfaction. And I'd think, This is as good as it gets?! For whatever reason home felt shabby and not good enough.

Truly, this is not how I usually feel. I love our home. But the to-do list in my head was wearing me out with its constant, insistent pressure. I felt dull, like any beauty I encountered would just sort of roll off my back with a shrug and a "meh."

I know myself well enough to know that I'd probably get like this no matter my situation in life. If it wasn't motherhood it would be the daily grind of any job. Our sense of beauty is something that has to be tended to, and I haven't been doing a good job of that lately; and life is largely comprised of mundane moments anyway.

But at that light an ache blossomed in me, a familiar autumnal longing. I felt a little more alive, a little more myself. And the mundane was a little more lovely once again, in that angle of the light.

I think I try to wax poetic about the fall too often, but I always feel that this time of year is so full of hope and grace.

And we are picking apples tomorrow*, so I am very excited.

*I keep thinking today is Friday. We are, in fact, picking apples this weekend. :)

Happy

I know that autumn is still a ways off ... but this morning feels and almost smells of fall. I love it. Love love love love. Some of my friends tell me that once my kids get a bit older, I will love summer most and be sad when it ends, because when the weather gets colder the children get pent up inside and have less ways to burn their energy.

But you know what? I am deeply, irrationally, twirl-around-the-house-and-make-spontaneous-pancakes happy right now, and it is because it feels like fall. Summer will never be my favorite season. Autumn lives somewhere deep in my being and it will never go away.

I had to get up and out of the house with my family by 8:30 this morning (this is highly unusual for the Callenberg clan) and I threw on a blue wrap and it wasn't quite warm enough, but that is okay. I love few things more than walking in sunny and slightly chilly weather. We had to be back home by 10:30 and when I took Michael out of his stroller to put him in the carseat, he protested. I know, I told him--I felt the same way. We just wanted to stay outside and soak it in.

Right now he is napping. After he wakes up I think we will go out again, if it isn't raining.

Michael's favorite word right now is "happy" and I have no idea if he knows what it means. But he'll be playing with his toys and suddenly he just starts repeating it over and over. Happy, happy, happy. And when I look at him he grins.

On to yarn.

Still working on the blanket. I will be finished by the weekend, most likely. And then ... I don't know what I'll do with myself, since I have to wait for more yarn and fabric and other nesting supplies until September 1st. I guess I'll sew that poor, lonely sleeve that's patiently been waiting to join its sweater.

I finished A Dance with Dragons (FINALLY) although somehow I managed to skip a good five chapters in the middle and had to go back and read them. I was getting really angry because as I neared the end of the book it was clear something IMPORTANT had happened and was being referred to, and I was like, "What the HECK George RR Martin, why didn't we get to see that?!" Except it was in the chapters I skipped. Whoops. I blame it on reading at 2am while sitting in L&D at the hospital. (Yes, I took a trip to the hospital last weekend. The babies and I are all fine; it was one of those "better safe than sorry" things. I'm hoping not to make a habit of this in the next few months.)

Now I am reading The Art of the Visit by Kathy Bertone. It is a good book. But I am not sure if I'll finish it, because it touches on some things I am struggling with right now. We'll see!

Linking up with Ginny's yarn along.

I know I've not been blogging ...

Unfortunately, this isn't exactly a sign of increased productivity in non-blogging responsibilities. Or at least the two things aren't related. In fact, I think blogging more often would help me be more productive, simply because it would help me be more structured. Kind of like praying more regularly. Something that ought to be done for its own sake, but happens to produce all sorts of other good effects.

Anyway.

Because it is autumn (YAY!), and because I recently discovered this pattern and knew it must be made in brown, I am ordering some Knit Picks yarn in the colorway Spice, which I have long, long hankered after. I also got distracted by Sherry, and might just order some of that too. Maybe. (Hey. It's my birthday. At least, it will be. Soon.)

And I did it: I frogged the nausea shawl. The yarn has been rewound into a tidy pink yarn-cake and awaits its new destiny as ... something else. I don't know. However, I do know that the darker yarn is soon to become a lacy cowl. Even now, sitting here in the kitchen with the windows cracked open, I get little shivers down my spine from the cool air. It is time for fall knitting.

Also in my list of knitting goals this fall/winter:

-Christmas gifts. So far, this equals two things; but that list might get longer.

-A sweater. I really want to make one!

-A shawl for my friend, Nicole.

-Mittens, because I also want to learn to make these.

-Socks. My second sock, of course; but I wouldn't mind being one of those knitters who's able to whip socks out in a few days as gifts.

-Christmas stockings for me and Keith?

-And a scarf, because I've never actually made one, ever. (Except for little scarves for my beanie babies when I was lots younger, but those don't count.)