Thursday, September 25, 2014

Light

The angle of the light has changed.

It must happen gradually, but every year around this time it seems to happen all of a sudden. One day I'm sitting in the chair by the window with a book, and then I look up and the late morning sun is falling across the books and floorboards in a new way, lighting up a beauty otherwise easily missed.

I've been in something of a funk the past week. Due in no small part, I'm sure, to the whole sleep situation around here. (Last night various babies woke up approximately 9:30,11:30, 12:00, 1:30, 2:30, 4:30, and after that I don't remember. That was particularly bad but if you cut out two or three of those wakings you have my average night. So maybe this post isn't going to make any sense. I am drinking lots of tea. I blather on about sleep too much on my blog. Sorry.)

So yes, tired. But also just discontent. I would look at a room I'd just cleaned and straightened, everything in its place and all in order, which usually brings such a feeling of satisfaction. And I'd think, This is as good as it gets?! For whatever reason home felt shabby and not good enough.

Truly, this is not how I usually feel. I love our home. But the to-do list in my head was wearing me out with its constant, insistent pressure. I felt dull, like any beauty I encountered would just sort of roll off my back with a shrug and a "meh."

I know myself well enough to know that I'd probably get like this no matter my situation in life. If it wasn't motherhood it would be the daily grind of any job. Our sense of beauty is something that has to be tended to, and I haven't been doing a good job of that lately; and life is largely comprised of mundane moments anyway.

But at that light an ache blossomed in me, a familiar autumnal longing. I felt a little more alive, a little more myself. And the mundane was a little more lovely once again, in that angle of the light.

I think I try to wax poetic about the fall too often, but I always feel that this time of year is so full of hope and grace.

And we are picking apples tomorrow*, so I am very excited.

*I keep thinking today is Friday. We are, in fact, picking apples this weekend. :)

9 comments:

  1. I understand this all to well... sleep is HUGE to our sense of well being. I know how this is...Hang in there, it will get easier sleep wise with time... I LOVE fall too!!! much love to you! Wish we lived in the same town! I would come over and bring some nice hot tea and apple pie! Much love to you and your home IS beautiful...

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    1. Ah, that would be so lovely! It is perfect apple pie weather here right now. I'm hoping it stays cool for our apple picking. :)

      The sleep gets better and then worse again, so far, it is just a bad time right now ... hopefully it will pass soon!

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    2. It sure would be lovely! :)))) Yes, I hope it will pass soon; hang in there!!!

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  2. (Er... are you picking apples twice, or do you mean Saturday? Just want to make sure we're on the right track here...)

    And I absolutely know what you mean. I like what you said about our sense of beauty needing tending to! It makes so much sense to put it that way.

    So sorry about your sleep situation... I'll try to remember to pray for you in my middle-of-the-night moments, which are much less frequent than that :-/

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    1. I do mean Saturday! I've been thinking today is Friday all day. In fact I keep wondering what meatless meal I'm going to make for dinner ... ha!

      Thank you for the prayers, they are certainly appreciated! :)

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  3. I hope your sleep situation gets better! My good friend here has twins and she was up every couple hours until 2 weeks before their 1st birthday. Then they both decided to sleep straight through the night and take naps too. She said it was truly miraculous so I'll pray that the same happens for you, though perhaps before November ; - )

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  4. Fall is just a poetic season in general! So much beauty, and so much more time to take it in because the summer rush is over :) And we're going apple picking tomorrow, too!

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  5. Hey - I nominated you for a Liebster Award :-) http://ourordinarylifeextraordinary.blogspot.com/2014/09/liebster-award-high-five.html

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  6. hope you get the sleep that you are craving. I think everyone feels their home is not enough and wish for more. I have terrible lighting, no big sun rays. Oh and I'd love a porch with a swing :)

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