Friday, January 31, 2014

Two and a half months in

Everyone is in bed except me. This solitude thing .... what is this?! I feel like I need to write something to memorialize this moment. (Also I sat down at the computer to shut it down and ended up on the internet ...)

Today the twins are 2.5 months old. Their personalities are truly blossoming. They coo (in very distinct ways), they smile, and I swear Dominic laughed in his sleep just this evening.

Things seem to have settled into a rhythm--a hit-or-miss rhythm, to be sure, but it's there. In the morning Keith gets up and gets Michael started on breakfast while I nurse however many babies are awake and change their diapers. Once everyone is fed and Keith leaves, the morning is often fairly calm. I read Michael books, usually with one baby or another on my lap. Or he plays with his markers and I respond to his demands of "Draw arrow!" with a baby on the other arm. I am at my best-rested to tackle and hairy moments that arise.

And then on the heels of the easiest time of day comes the hardest. Michael gets hungry. I get hungry. (Um, I get hungry a lot. Breastfeeding twins takes a lot of calories!) The babies get hungry and/or gassy. The timing of all this is impossible to manage. I get Michael set up with lunch and sit and eat with him, and/or nurse a baby.

If the fates are smiling then Michael is ready for his nap right after I've nursed both babies and they're dozy; if not, well, someone will be in tears at some point. (Lately Michael has been unhappy about taking a nap.) Once he's down, I might have a time where both babies are awake and interactive, and perhaps as long as half an hour when they're both asleep. In which case I can clean or *cough* watch Lark Rise to Candleford on Youtube. Or I may have to alternate holding babies all of naptime.

And then Michael wakes up and the countdown to Papa's return begins. ;)

I know it's just perspective that makes me think one baby is "easy," but I'm hoping I can carry some of that perspective into our next child's infancy, if God so blesses us! I don't mean that just in a stressed out way (although I often think it in times of stress!). For example, I can't tell you how often I've felt a pang of sadness because I have to put one baby down to tend to the other, even though they are staring up at me and smiling and ready to interact, or to cuddle up and sleep in my arms. I know with Michael I often found myself just wanting to put the baby down; and while now it can be frustrating that I almost always have to be holding a baby, it's also taught me that being able to hold your baby for an unbroken stretch of time is truly a gift. Time to yourself is important but at the same time I can get so caught up in the lack of it that it becomes a source of stress. I am learning (or trying to learn) how to lean into the day moment by moment rather than fighting against it.

Also? I've learned that I can do an awful lot while breastfeeding an infant. (Like drawing arrows with markers.) Praise God. :)


  1. Yes! All these thoughts and feelings you've described are so normal for a twin mommy. I can't tell you the number of times I've thought the "wow, one baby is so much easier than this". It's not that having twins is terribly difficult because a mommy/daddy can acclimate quick, but it sheds some serious light on my struggle with one baby....which now just seems pathetic to me considering having two babies is a lot of times more than double the work.

    1. Thank you for commenting! I know that my first baby was "difficult" in comparison to friends' babies ... but at least with just one difficult baby you are able to *try* to make him happy! :) Sometimes my poor Dominic just has to be mad for a bit, lol.

  2. good to read this; yes those times are hard but some good times too. Wondering if you can eat nuts when nursing ? can you get some dried fruit/nuts/granola bars or that sort of thing to eat quickly when all a sudden M is hungry, you are hungry and the babies out of sorts? I know that a lot depends on my energy levels and food... May God bless you and keep you all. It is a very demanding season for you.

    1. Nuts are a good idea. I also need to stock up on those little quiches you can zap in the microwave--they're a good source of protein without having to really cook. (Although I tend to have to share them with my toddler, hehe!)