Light

The angle of the light has changed.

It must happen gradually, but every year around this time it seems to happen all of a sudden. One day I'm sitting in the chair by the window with a book, and then I look up and the late morning sun is falling across the books and floorboards in a new way, lighting up a beauty otherwise easily missed.

I've been in something of a funk the past week. Due in no small part, I'm sure, to the whole sleep situation around here. (Last night various babies woke up approximately 9:30,11:30, 12:00, 1:30, 2:30, 4:30, and after that I don't remember. That was particularly bad but if you cut out two or three of those wakings you have my average night. So maybe this post isn't going to make any sense. I am drinking lots of tea. I blather on about sleep too much on my blog. Sorry.)

So yes, tired. But also just discontent. I would look at a room I'd just cleaned and straightened, everything in its place and all in order, which usually brings such a feeling of satisfaction. And I'd think, This is as good as it gets?! For whatever reason home felt shabby and not good enough.

Truly, this is not how I usually feel. I love our home. But the to-do list in my head was wearing me out with its constant, insistent pressure. I felt dull, like any beauty I encountered would just sort of roll off my back with a shrug and a "meh."

I know myself well enough to know that I'd probably get like this no matter my situation in life. If it wasn't motherhood it would be the daily grind of any job. Our sense of beauty is something that has to be tended to, and I haven't been doing a good job of that lately; and life is largely comprised of mundane moments anyway.

But at that light an ache blossomed in me, a familiar autumnal longing. I felt a little more alive, a little more myself. And the mundane was a little more lovely once again, in that angle of the light.

I think I try to wax poetic about the fall too often, but I always feel that this time of year is so full of hope and grace.

And we are picking apples tomorrow*, so I am very excited.

*I keep thinking today is Friday. We are, in fact, picking apples this weekend. :)

Coaxing the daylight in

Currently reading Maddaddam from the library on my Kindle, and still working my way through These Beautiful Bones. The scarf is growing. I chose the photo that doesn't show the mistake I discovered when laying the length of it out on the couch. (Sigh.)

I am so grateful for the big windows in our house, even though they make the rooms a bit colder. I don't generally mind January because it gives me a chance to cozy up with tea, a good book, and a bit of knitting. But books and knitting don't have much room in my life right now. (I do drink more tea than usual, though!)

Right now the evening light is just beginning to fade into dusk. Yesterday was grey and damp, and then suddenly while a friend and I were sitting in the living room the sun broke free and everything was golden for a few brief minutes. During these housebound postpartum days I am grateful for every bit of sunshine I can coax into the house. I'm thinking I also want to buy some candles to keep lit on greyer days, and am contemplating alternate places we can hang the fairy lights once the tree is gone. (Yes, we still have our Christmas tree up.)

Joining up with Ginny for her yarn along.