Update

Hello friends.

It's been a while, so let's do a little combination day-late-yarn-along/life-dump, shall we?

I finally--FINALLY--finished knitting the last of the boys' Christmas stockings. Holy cow. That's four inches of stockinette that just gets tucked INSIDE the stocking to give the cuff a little substance. Pure torture at the end of such a frickin' huge sock. I still have blocking to do, and little i-cord loops for hanging, and maybe, maybe they will get their names embroidered on the cuffs before Christmas. But I realized that all the names in the pattern are 3-4 letters--"Emma" is the longest--whereas our kids all have seven letter names. This is going to be interesting.

The book--I am greatly, greatly enjoying it. It had been on my to-read list for some time and when I saw Karen reading it that pushed me over the edge into buying it, and honestly it is worth every penny.

So, life.

On Saturday I fell down the stairs holding Gregory. It wasn't as dramatic as it sounds--my feet slipped, I slid down a few steps and landed backwards on my bum. It has happened before. (Usually when I'm wearing socks ...) But this time my elbow landed on Gregory's foot, and now he has a cast on his whole leg, and will for about a month.

If you are looking for a way to slow down your Advent, physical injury works. But I would not recommend it.

We've been lighting our Advent wreath and singing "O Come Emmanuel" at dinnertime. And opening doors on our advent calendars. And I have been reading a story a day out of this book with Michael, as well as other books from our seasonal book basket.

And our unoccupied stable is out on the mantle, as well as our Little People nativity, with Baby Jesus who gets put to bed with a binky in Dominic's crib for his nap by helpful little hands.

That's it.

And it is more than enough.

I decided that wrangling three kids--one no longer mobile--plus cookies to our local Catholic mom's cookie exchange was a bit much, but a sweet friend is stopping to pick up cookies from me this evening AND bring me some back from the exchange. Such a kindness!

And this weekend, on Gaudete Sunday, we will get our tree.

So really, we want for nothing in this season of preparation.

And I? I need this advent so much. My heart is crying out for Jesus to come, to be with us, and for the grace to keep the door open for him. He will find no humbler home than this, but He is more than welcome here.

Seven Quick Takes (15)

1. You know what's cute? A toddler resting his head on the couch with a cherubic grin so that he's eye-to-eye with his baby brother, then saying "Hi! Hi! Hi!"


2. What else is cute? A toddler holding a toy in front of his baby brother while he's in the swing so that every time the baby comes forward his feet hit it and saying "Kick! Kick! Kick!"


3. So yes, Michael is adjusting to having two younger siblings. It is a slow process and in the beginning it was really difficult. I think this age (19-20 months) is probably one of the hardest to lost only-child status (although I'm sure I'm biased by my own experiences ...). And I KNOW it's hard to go from being the beloved only child/grandchild who is always the center of attention to having two younger siblings. Sometimes there are simply no arms available to hold you. Especially when Mama had a c-section and can't pick you up at all. (Oh man. That was really hard. On both of us.)

He still gets jealous, of course. But he is secure and knows he's loved, and he is starting to interact with his brothers every now and then as opposed to either pretending they don't exist or glaring balefully at them.


4. So, Christmas preparations. Postpartum with twins. Oy. Thank goodness for online shopping, especially Amazon Prime two day shipping. We're set on everyone except my brother, and Keith's presents at least are wrapped and ready to go under the tree on Christmas Eve. (Michael's presents are still in transit!)


5. As for Advent, well, I did manage to dig out the Advent ring (it has no wreath) and the stubs of last year's candles. We made sure to light the purple ones in reverse order, but even so I'm not sure that the second purple candle is going to make it to Christmas!


6. And I am also doing Christmas cards. Which ... was a bit more ambitious of an undertaking than I thought when I started ...? They may end up being Epiphany cards. :-P As long as it's within the twelve days of Christmas, right?


7. Thanks for your prayers for baby Gregory. We have another appointment in four months to reevaluate, but it seems that he will likely not need surgery, which is such a blessing.


And now I'm off to try and get some Christmas cookies started ... head over to Jen's blog for more quick takes!

Seven Quick Takes (14)

1. So the twins' birth story is half-written, and I've had this thing about not posting anything until it's finished and up on the blog. And then I decided that was silly because ... well, let's be realistic. Who knows when that novella will get finished. (And I've tried writing it in a more succinct fashion, but ... it just doesn't work that way with me. Never has, never will.) Not that I would have been hammering out anything special in the meantime, but the feeling of not being able to post until this is finished was stressing me out. So I am posting.

2. Happy Feast of St. Nicholas! I'm afraid there were no shoes left out last night, so the good old saint had no place to leave us treats. (Although he might have left some M&Ms for this mama in a drawer in the kitchen somewhere ...) Although we have no Nicholases in the family, we have an icon from Keith's grandmother, who was (for a time at least) Russian Orthodox, so I feel like he has (or should have) a special place in our family's devotions. There's always next year, I guess. In the meantime ...

3. On a similar note. I have the advent wreath on the table. But it has no wreath--just the brass ring, unadorned. More to the point, it has no candles. I half-heartedly looked for them in the boxes of Christmas stuff, but decided to order fresh ones a few days before Advent started, and ... they just shipped yesterday. So maybe we'll have our candles by Gaudete Sunday ...?

4. Nor have I set up the Nativity. Partly this is because there's not much of a place to put it. Our mantle is piled with homeless books and a few random other things, including a fire extinguisher. We're just not with it in terms of Advent this year. But I guess I get a pass.

5. Speaking of Advent, decorating, preparation, and etc, Kate wrote a really great post about such things a few days ago. I think it's wonderful that people are writing about focusing on Advent as Advent and saving Christmas for Christmas, and I really like Kate's take on it.

6. The twins are getting baptized this Sunday, on the feast of the Immaculate Conception. When Michael was baptized, he wore a gown that had been passed down from my Grandmom and worn by all her children. Luckily, Grandmom's first pregnancy was twins--so there are two of them. None of the boys will be left out, and they both get to be worn again. How cool is that?

7. I have run out of takes. So ... go see some more over at Conversion Diary!

Preparing, II

Yesterday, Gaudete Sunday, we bought our tree and Keith bedecked it with lights. We will probably decorate it tonight. And light the rose candle on our Advent wreath, which I just noticed we forgot to do.

This morning I set up the rest of the nativity to await Baby Jesus' arrival, as well as setting up a few other decorations.

Saturday we went to Ikea to get a few things, and had an argument in the entrance of the store, which was kind of embarrassing.

I am feeling a little stressed. In my head I had an entire week (this one) to accomplish the rest of what needs to be done--cleaning, Christmas shopping, the rest of the cards, etc--but then Keith started talking about going up to visit our parents on Thursday, and I realized/remembered how short Advent is this year since Christmas is on a Wednesday ... which cuts my time short by several very important days.

My reaction was ... not peaceful. Ahem.

So I sat down, made yet another list, organized it according to day, prioritized (ie I may not get the corners of my kitchen floor scrubbed with a toothbrush before my mother-in-law comes), made significant progress knitting a gift last night, etc.

But today my hand hurts. It had been doing so for the past week or two whenever I put pressure on it getting up from the bed or the floor or put my body weight on it for whatever reason--a pain sort of at the base of my thumb. This happens to both me and my mother sometimes, and I figured it was from crocheting stars to send along with Christmas cards. So I stopped doing that. (Some of you are getting stars, some of you aren't. Sorry. :( ) And it did, in fact, get better. I guess maybe the knitting last night brought it back ... except it's worse now. It hurts when I do almost anything, including cleaning the dishes or picking up Michael.

So we'll see what gets done before we leave on Thursday. As long as I can straighten up a bit and finish Christmas shopping/wrapping ... everything else will be okay. I am peaceful now, turning any stress I feel (mostly over Christmas shopping) to Our Lady, and trying to learn from her what it means to wait for Christ with patience and eagerness and hope.

And I'm really grateful that I already scrubbed the bathroom floor.

Guadalupe

Our Lady of Guadalupe has a special place in my heart. My relationship with the Blessed Mother waxes and wanes, but any devotion I have is always a gift from her, and I feel from Our Lady of Guadalupe in particular. There was a missionary image of Our Lady of Guadalupe at a Catholic women's conference my mom and I went to when I was a teenager. People lined up to see it in between presentations because it was a miraculous image. When I found this out, I dragged my mother away from dinner early so that we could get in line before the last talk of the evening.

There was a woman standing by the image with a stethoscope. She placed the stethoscope over Mary's heart, and some people heard her heartbeat--and then she'd place it over her womb, and some people also heard Jesus' heart. As I came up in line she was wiping the ears of the stethoscope with her last alcohol swab, so I was one of the last people she let listen. She looked at me and told me cheerfully, "Children always hear the Baby Jesus' heartbeat."

I remember feeling kind of insulted, because it was literally the day before my sixteenth (or fifteenth?) birthday. Ha. She helped me put the stethoscope in my ears, held it over Our Lady's heart ...

... and there it was. Clear and slow and deep, the slowest and most even heartbeat I have ever heard. Like when I was little and curled up in my mother's lap listening to her heart.

And before I had a chance to take it in, she moved the stethoscope down to Our Lady's belly--I could point out to you the exact flower on her dress--and I heard Him. A much smaller, faster heartbeat, but just as clear. And as I listened to it, it moved. And as it moved, I heard splashing--the liquid inside Our Lady's womb moving as her Son swam inside her.

I couldn't fathom it. I had hoped to hear His heartbeat, but this? And as I tried to wrap my mind around that, then ... I heard His voice. A cooing, happy sound. The kind I am blessed to hear every day when Michael is occupied in examining a piece of string or a toy and suddenly looks up at me and says something, just because he is content and I am there.

I heard Jesus' voice.

It was a gift from my Mother, to whom I'd had little devotion up until that point, even though I knew I was "supposed" to--a generous and completely unmerited gift.



Before I had a baby, and even while I was pregnant, I could pretend to "get" the Incarnation. As in, God becoming man--big and mind-boggling and mysterious as it was--was something I could picture and imagine. But since having a baby? That poops and laughs and looks at me and screams in the middle of the night for reasons I don't always understand?

God did all that?

I can't even pretend to "get" it anymore. It's almost ridiculous. I can imagine God as Man, but God as a baby?

And yet, I've heard that Baby's voice.



It was really important to me to get to Mass on her feast today. So yesterday I asked St. Juan Diego to please help me get there (the guy walked a good fifteen miles to get to Mass on Sunday!), and he came through. Somehow I made dinner early in the day, packed up the baby, and went. I don't think I've been to daily Mass since Michael was born (although I really can't remember). I've only been to adoration once. In addition to things like preparing dinner and making sure that Michael gets his naps, it's hard for me psychologically to get out and do these things. I know that I need to place myself more often in the presence of God; I need to learn what this looks like in my life as it is now, as a wife and mother, rather than a single person whose time is her own to do with as she pleases.

I read this in The Way yesterday: "If  you accustom yourself, at least once a week, to seek union with Mary in order to go to Jesus, you will have more presence of God." So simple, and yet such an important reminder.



Other good things today: going to Wendy's with my dear friend Stephanie after Bible study; visiting with my mom; inviting two young women to our apartment after Mass for homemade chicken noodle soup, salad, and olive oil bread; pureeing some soup for Michael (he is becoming quite the carnivore! and he gets mad now if we take too long giving him his own food at dinnertime, hehe); singing O Come Emmanuel after lighting the Advent wreath with two extra voices.

Preparing

That was this morning's breakfast. It was leftover berry cobbler. I am not ashamed.

That is a little pile of stars. Four, so far. For those who don't know, that is not knitting but crochet. Yes, dear friends, I present you with my first ever crochet project! (As opposed to random granny squares.) The gold thread was given to me by my mother, and while it makes pretty stars the metallic running through it is kind of scratchy to work with. But that's okay. I plan on making a garland (not sure how long yet), and possibly ornaments to slip inside Christmas cards ...? We'll see how ambitious I feel.

I admire my friends who have gotten all their Christmas preparations done early so that they can have a peaceful Advent; stress is the worst when it comes to distracting us from the things we should be focused on. For me, though, shopping for gifts and writing Christmas cards and so on has always been a tangible way to enter into the spirit of preparation that looks forward to Christmas, to Christ. Which is why I'm enjoying crocheting these stars. :)

Last night we lit the advent wreath for the first time (we forgot it on Sunday) and sang the first verse of "O Come, O Come Emmanuel," which is a tradition from my family. We don't have any greenery yet, so it's just a metal ring with the candles, hehe. That's okay for now.

I have no idea where we're going to fit the tree this year, as we now have a computer desk in the living room, not to mention baby things. (Babies are so little; why does their stuff take up so much room?) But I've set up the creche with Mary and Joseph and the as-yet-empty manger. I will start adding the animals today.

I know that this year Michael isn't going to "get" anything, but it's still so exciting to enter his first Advent! And for myself as a wife and mother, this season holds so much promise. I want to learn what it means to wait upon Christ, to watch for Him; I want that watching to suffuse every moment.

these halls are DECKED! :)

Keith and I are only at our apartment for another night before packing up (again) and heading north for Christmas, but I finally got around to taking pictures of our tree and decorations with his camera. (Well, technically, I made him take them.) They aren't the best pictures, but at least they exist!

I am glad to be going home for Christmas, but it also seems a little sad that our home will be all decked out and lonely during most of the actual Christmas season. Maybe these decorations will stick around for a bit longer than Epiphany. :)




Our Fontanini Nativity. There are shepherds on the right, where you can't see them; on the left are the musicians (the Little Drummer Boy, a bagpiper, and some other sort of piped instrument that may or may not actually exist). Baby Jesus isn't in the manger yet.




Our mantel, decked out with trimmed branches from the Christmas tree, and extra strand of lights, and two mini stockings. :) You can't really see in this picture, but the stocking on the left says "Casey's First Christmas," because that was a possible name for Keith before he was born, and a sort-of nickname because his initials are KC.

Our TV doesn't usually live in the fireplace, but we've rearranged things to accomodate the tree. When we had friends over for caroling, we played a video of a fireplace on the screen. ;)



The Christmas tree! We don't have a tree skirt yet, or a star for the top, but we have plenty of ornaments--some of mine, some of Keith's, and some that we've started collecting together. And ... it looks really, really crooked in this picture. I don't think it actually leans that much in person. (Maybe it does ...)

Speaking of pictures ... some long-distance friends (who are also pregnant) have been bugging me, so I want to take a "bump" picture sometime soon ... maybe in my (maternity) Christmas dress! :) Probably at my parents' place; but maybe here. :)

Our Advent

Over Thanksgiving, I gathered up the Christmas ornaments I had left at my parents' house, and my mom also sent me home with some of my grandmother's. So Keith and I are ready to decorate our first Christmas tree. I'm really hoping that we get one before the end of the week. My family always set up trees late--sometimes not til Christmas Eve--and kept it up a while afterwards; but since Keith and I won't be here over Christmas or New Year's, we'd like to decorate early so we can enjoy it during Advent.

I love the idea of entering fully into the Liturgical year at home through family traditions and decorations, and my wish list for Advent is growing: an Advent wreath and candles, a Jesse tree, a manger that waits for the Christ Child under the tree. But I'm realizing these will be things that Keith and I gather year by year (especially things like the Jess tree, which can wait until we have kids).

One thing we do have is a Nativity set. When I was confirmed I received a lot of Fontanini figurines, and although my collection is a bit lopsided (I have one wise man, unless you count the giant Balthazar that stands a good two inches taller than all the other people), I remembered to pack it up and bring it back down with us last week. (I remember religious stores used to have crazy displays for these, on par with those railroads some people set up in their basements. The entire city of Bethlehem, buildings and hills populated by people and animals, and off in a quiet corner--the stable.)

So farI've just set up the stable, the (empty) manger, and Mary and Joseph. This was because I felt lazy at the time, but I've decided to add the figurines one at a time, as a sort of Advent calendar. (I tried to take a picture, but it seems my camera has finally gasped its last.) Keith pointed out that yes, Jesus isn't here yet; but technically, neither are Mary and Joseph, so they shouldn't be in the stable either. I suppose I could have them travel around the room with a donkey until they reach the stable on Christmas Eve. But ... no. I won't. :-P

And as we are, of course, awaiting the arrival of our own little baby (although not until well after Christmas!), it adds something extra special to this Advent. Caitlin called me out in my last post--we got our ultrasound yesterday, which means we now know the gender! I'm happy to inform you all that we are having a little boy!

It's something of an adjustment, actually, because we've been thinking of the baby as a girl and calling him "she" for a while now! It means I have to save the pretty baby sweater patterns I've been looking at for a later pregnancy ... and now start gathering handsome ones. :) But we are pretty thrilled!

I am occasionally a coward in the meanest, pettiest of ways.

And the things I've done in such a state can't be undone. And yet somehow God still forgives. And yet somehow He still works all things to the good in ways I may never see. That is faith, is trust: He is so much bigger than me, and I cannot bring down His plans. Not for myself, not for others--not ultimately. I cannot ever, wittingly or not (or something in between), defeat His love.

So I place myself in that mercy.

And what is Advent the season of if not trust? Isn't waiting about trust? Our Lady made trust a lifestyle during her Advent.

(Pardon the disconnectedness. I am tired. I am letting myself be braindead tonight. Going to read some Dappled Things and Image now.)