Stripe by Stripe

Happy to be linking up again with Ginny's yarn along! 

I have not been blogging much, but I have been knitting a little. Not every day, but some days. Stripe by stripe. This is the perfect pattern for me right now. Lots of garter stitch, nothing too complicated to keep track of. Just stripes in pretty colors.

As for reading, that I have been doing a LOT of, thanks to breastfeeding and my Kindle Touch. (I still maintain, as a hardcore bibliophile, that the Kindle is one of the best inventions for breastfeeding mothers ever.) I've read at least four books in the past two weeks and am working on the fifth--Delia's Shadow, by Jaime Lee Moyer. So far I am enjoying it immensely.

Jaime was published in a (now defunct) webzine that I once volunteered with. Her poetry was always very beautiful to me, and her poem "Rosemary" holds a special place in my heart--not just because of the name, but I do have it in my email signature for that reason. ;) (And in looking up that poem, I remembered that it was published alongside my first-ever-published short story in an anthology. Oh man. I love that story, but I wrote it in college. If for any reason you happen to read it please don't judge me by it! And Jaime's poem is MUCH better than that story.) Anyways, I've admired Moyer as a writer from a long time back, and so I've been eagerly anticipating this novel. So far it doesn't disappoint.

Anyway ... how about some baby blanket action shots? :)

Dominic with Smooth Sailing

Gregory with Hamako

 Unfortunately I wet-blocked Gregory's blanket and it lost a lot of the texture it had before, which makes me sad. :( It is bigger than before, which is convenient, and it's still pretty; but, sigh.

Joy

This morning as I lay on the examination table, just as I had a fistful of clear goop smeared on my belly, I realized I didn't have my cellphone.

"Wait a second," I said, "is it okay if I record this for my husband?"

The nurse-midwife smiled and got my purse for me, and I hit "record" as I listened to my baby's heartbeat for the first time.

What a beautiful hello, this first tangible contact with my baby's existence, his life.

As little as a week before getting a positive test I would have told you I'd be more than happy to get pregnant again at any time, and that was true. So I felt guilty and a little confused when my first emotional reaction to finding out was so ... mixed. Weirdly, I found myself wishing that it had come just one month later. I can't give you a good reason why. Just hormones, I guess.

But walking out of the midwife center into the sunny morning, my heart was shining and I couldn't stop smiling, and I felt so, so grateful for this new little life, for our growing family.

Keith took Michael with him to adoration this morning and was on the bus when I sent the sound file of the heartbeat. He texted me back to say Michael smiled when he heard it.

When I met them at the Oratory I was struck by how much of a baby Michael still is, even though he turned 13 months yesterday, even though he is not a "little baby" as I still so often call him. I know that by the time his sibling arrives he won't be a baby anymore. He'll be a toddler. So while this pregnancy is flying by of its own accord, I wouldn't rush it, or him, or his sibling, not for anything.

How beautiful God's timing is. How much He has given us.

Sleep. Or no sleep.

(This post will probably bore people who aren't parents. Tough bananas. You don't have to read it.) 

(I have no idea where "tough bananas" came from. I need more coffee.)

Today, Michael is five months old.

Yesterday, we started sleep-training. 

Wrapped in his Grandma-made blankie while his Mama blogs.

Daytime sleep has been pretty scarce round here these days, and nighttime sleep isn't much better. (This is why I haven't posted much lately ... no naps, no blogging. Or knitting. And often no laundry or vaccuuming.) Over the past few weeks we've slipped into cosleeping, which wasn't the plan. In some ways it works out fine--it is really easy to meet Michael's needs at night--but ultimately, it still isn't what I want to do, because I don't want 1) Michael to depend on me being next to him to go to sleep (meaning a late bedtime for him or early bedtime for me, and no baby-free time for me and Keith), or 2) our bedroom to be offlimits to us after Michael's bedtime. Maybe there is some way around these difficulties, but the real big problem around here these days is #1. 

When he was three months old, Michael slept through the night in his crib in the other room. I would put him down between nine and ten pm, and he would wake up between four and five am, and I would simply take him into bed with me, nurse him, and fall back asleep until he woke up for the morning. That was awesome. 

Then around four months, it started getting more and more difficult to put him down for the night. He'd sleep for anywhere between 10 and 30 minutes, then wake up and need to be coddled and soothed until he fell back asleep ... for another 10 to 30 minutes. And he started waking up at 2am instead of 4 or 5am. Because it was hard to get him back to sleep, and because I was so tired that I usually fell asleep nursing him anyway, I would take him into bed at 2am, which meant he was spending most of the night with us. 

Now the only way to get him to sleep, day or night, is to lay down and hold him on the bed, my arm wrapped around him and supporting his head. Rocking him, standing by the crib with him, etc are no longer enough. He knows what he wants and will settle for nothing less.  Sometimes he'll nap in the swing for ten or fifteen minutes; getting him to sleep longer than that during the day is almost impossible. This week he's had days where he's only napped for about an hour altogether, and by the end of the day both Michael and Mama are having meltdowns. (Poor Papa.) 

So something has to change. I'm a little anxious because we're traveling to Colorado next weekend for a wedding, and I worry that any training we do now will be undone ... but we really can't wait to do this any longer. 

After reading about different methods and thinking about how they might interact with Michael's personality, we've decided to go with a modified version of the Ferber method: letting him cry for a certain amount of time and then going in and soothing him. (Modified because I am not comfortable with an indefinitely increasing amount of time leaving him by himself.) It took about 45 minutes for him to fall asleep last night. I think if Keith hadn't been here, I would probably have given up on it about half an hour in, which in my opinion would have been really bad, because then his crying would have been for nothing. But now that I know he can do it, maybe it will be a little easier tonight.

I know some people believe that cry-it-out methods are cruel. I don't--or at least, not the Ferber method specifically, where the parents are continually going in to soothe the baby. I know he doesn't understand, but I also know I'm not doing irrevocable damage to our bond of trust, because this little guy receives a lot of love and has all his needs met. 

But it's still hard. For me, and for him. I know there will be many, many times in his life where I have to do something hard as a parent to achieve something good for him. Disciplining him, telling him he can't have something he wants, etc--I guess this is a window into those difficulties. 

We'll see how tonight goes.

(ETA: The nap pictured above has lasted more than two hours! It shows signs of ending very soon, but praise God. :) )

Hey look, I'm blogging!

I put Michael down for a nap about twenty minutes ago, and he is still sleeping. Oh, blessed baby! So, after getting dressed and brushing my teeth and whatnot, I decided to treat myself to a second cup of coffee (since I am super sleepy today) and a zucchini cupcake. Yum. When he wakes up, we'll go visit my dear friend Stephanie; meanwhile, I'm enjoying a nice quiet moment to myself with my caffeine and my blog.


I am glad the weather seems to be getting cooler. Two days ago Keith and I went shopping in Shadyside with his dad, and Michael's little legs seemed chilly, so last evening I cast on a pair of legwarmers for him. They're easier than pants when it comes to changing diapers, can be taken off and stowed away if it gets too warm later in the day, and perhaps most importanty: stripes!

It's a quick and easy pattern; my only problem is the jogs running up the back. I know there's a technique for avoiding this, but I was too lazy to look it up yesterday. (Plus as I recall I was sitting on the floor knitting next to Michael and if I tried to get up and walk away he protested quite a bit.)

While we were out, we stopped in Banana Republic so I could try things on while Keith held the baby. It was my first time really shopping there (as opposed to just window shopping), and I was happy to discover they had a petite section. Unfortunately, none of their pants fit me. :( I blame part of it on the post-partum belly that is still slooooowly shrinking (we won't talk about the post-partum butt ...), but I've always had trouble finding pants that fit. Right now I'm down to one pair of jeans and one pair of black denim tousers in the pants department, so I think I'm due for some new ones!

I did get two new shirts, one of which I'm wearing right now, and it's wonderful how new clothes can make you feel classy and polished--two things which I have not felt much of late. I'm also due for a haircut, and I'm rediscovering how amazing concealer can be. I am way too lazy to wear makeup on a daily basis, and when I do it's usually just mascara and maybe some powder; but I've worn concealer to Mass the past two Sundays and gotten compliments on looking good, so, yay!

(Granted, one of them was sort of a backhanded compliment. "You're looking so much better Rosemary ... after the baby, you looked kind of unhealthy!" Personally, I find it kind of hilarious. And I know it was well-intentioned.)

This post is getting kind of rambly. My cupcake's gone, but I have half a cup of coffee still left, so I will go read some yarn along posts to accompany it until the baby wakes up. :)

Socks, puffs, and elephants

When I started taking pictures for the post, the baby was sleeping in the swing. Now he is no longer asleep, but it seems that for the moment he's fairly content to watch the toucan and sea turtle swaying above his head. No idea how long that will last, so I'll try to type fast!

Now that I've gather these things together for a post, I'm realizing that there's a trend lately in both my knitting and my reading: namely, I have a lot of things going on at once! The book is Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West, which I am reading for a book group. The Kindle (which hasn't gotten broken yet!) represents not one but two books--The Dubliners by James Joyce and Wish You Were Here: Travels Through Loss and Hope by Amy Welborn. The latter I discovered through an interview in Dappled Things, and am very much enjoying it, although sometimes I have to put it down because it is emotionally overwhelming. It is a memoir about a trip she took to Sicily with her children several months after her husband's death. She writes about it so well that I find myself caught up in that loss--it becomes my loss--and I have to take a break, because imagining life with my husband is too much. 

The sock is Wind and Willow. I cast it on for a knitalong. Perhaps you recognize the yarn--I'm glad it seems to have finally found a good home.

I recently participated in a mini-skein swap, and these hexipuffs are the result. I was pretty happy to find some Chickadee from Quince and Co in the package, since I've really wanted to try out their yarns. The rainbow puffs were knit from Koigu--another yarn I've been wanting to try. So that was quite fun. :)

And last but not least, I finally got around to grafting Elijah's first ear shut, picking up stitches for his second ear, and embroidering on his eyes (which are a little too beady for my liking, so he may get new ones at some point.) Hurray for finishing long-unfinished projects! (It really is ridiculous how long this little elephant sat on top of the shelf waiting for his ear to be grafted shut. Sigh. I blame the cotton/bamboo yarn I knit him with--very soft and lovely, but not at all flexible, making it a royal PAIN to pick up stitches on the side of the head.) I have learned that cotton is probably not the best fiber for knitting softies ... but I'm glad I used this particular yarn for this little guy.

And just because I can ... and I know you want it ... here is a gratuitous baby picture: 

Linking up with Ginny's yarn along!

The Littlest Callenberg

At 5:31am on Sunday, April 15, Michael Augustine was born.

Today he is eight days old. Already he is getting bigger: his cheeks are chubbier, his arms are starting to fill out. Sometimes I still look at him and wonder how on earth this little person was inside of me. (And how on earth I managed to push him out.) 

We are settling into our new life here, taking it slowly and quietly, and sleeping when our beautiful boy lets us. 

Getting There

Keith and I attended our last prenatal class at the hospital last week. The topic was how to care for a newborn, which included things like swaddling, changing diapers, and bathing. Everyone was supposed to bring their own "baby" to practice on--a doll or a teddy bear.

Well, neither of us had a doll or teddy bear (well, I have a teddy bear, but she doesn't really have legs). So we brought the only thing we did have, which was a stuffed elephant I'd been knitting for Baby C.

I knit like mad the night before to make sure our elephant had all four limbs. But he had neither ears nor eyes, which makes him look like some sort of muppet or other unidentifiable creature. (Keith didn't want to carry him in the hospital.)

The pattern is Elijah by Ysolda Teague. It's fun to knit and absolutely adorable, although I think that I need to knit any future stuffed animals from some sort of wool rather than cotton, as bits of the stuffing are showing through at my increases.

Maybe he'll get his ears before Easter.

Other projects I hope to finish this week: my manuscript (by tomorrow or Good Friday, hopefully, so that it can be printed and bound on Easter Monday or Tuesday), my grading, and some cleaning. And then baby can come as soon as ever he pleases.

This is how I'm spending my Holy Week ... say a prayer for me!

Yarning along with Ginny at Small Things.

Yarn Along! (Finally!)

I have to finish a paper within the next two hours or so, but I snatched five minutes and my husband's camera before breakfast this morning and snapped a picture of Baby C's blanket.

It's nearly finished--2-6 more repeats of the four row pattern (I haven't decided how many yet) and then the garter border, and then blocking. It would have already been finished, except that this week is crazy (nothing new), and yesterday was a Super Crazy that resulted in very high levels of stress/anxiety ... which probably could have used some knitting. But one of the reasons for Super Crazy was this paper, and while I can knit and read at the same time, I haven't yet found a satisfactory way to knit and write. (I know about voice-to-text programs; but writing isn't the same thing as talking!)

Now my breakfast of penitentially plain oatmeal* is about finished, I should get to work before the anxiety takes over again.

And then once this paper is done I can knit.

Linking up with Ginny.

*Thanks to my friend Christine for suggesting ways to still participate in Ash Wednesday when I can't really fast. ;)

Our Advent

Over Thanksgiving, I gathered up the Christmas ornaments I had left at my parents' house, and my mom also sent me home with some of my grandmother's. So Keith and I are ready to decorate our first Christmas tree. I'm really hoping that we get one before the end of the week. My family always set up trees late--sometimes not til Christmas Eve--and kept it up a while afterwards; but since Keith and I won't be here over Christmas or New Year's, we'd like to decorate early so we can enjoy it during Advent.

I love the idea of entering fully into the Liturgical year at home through family traditions and decorations, and my wish list for Advent is growing: an Advent wreath and candles, a Jesse tree, a manger that waits for the Christ Child under the tree. But I'm realizing these will be things that Keith and I gather year by year (especially things like the Jess tree, which can wait until we have kids).

One thing we do have is a Nativity set. When I was confirmed I received a lot of Fontanini figurines, and although my collection is a bit lopsided (I have one wise man, unless you count the giant Balthazar that stands a good two inches taller than all the other people), I remembered to pack it up and bring it back down with us last week. (I remember religious stores used to have crazy displays for these, on par with those railroads some people set up in their basements. The entire city of Bethlehem, buildings and hills populated by people and animals, and off in a quiet corner--the stable.)

So farI've just set up the stable, the (empty) manger, and Mary and Joseph. This was because I felt lazy at the time, but I've decided to add the figurines one at a time, as a sort of Advent calendar. (I tried to take a picture, but it seems my camera has finally gasped its last.) Keith pointed out that yes, Jesus isn't here yet; but technically, neither are Mary and Joseph, so they shouldn't be in the stable either. I suppose I could have them travel around the room with a donkey until they reach the stable on Christmas Eve. But ... no. I won't. :-P

And as we are, of course, awaiting the arrival of our own little baby (although not until well after Christmas!), it adds something extra special to this Advent. Caitlin called me out in my last post--we got our ultrasound yesterday, which means we now know the gender! I'm happy to inform you all that we are having a little boy!

It's something of an adjustment, actually, because we've been thinking of the baby as a girl and calling him "she" for a while now! It means I have to save the pretty baby sweater patterns I've been looking at for a later pregnancy ... and now start gathering handsome ones. :) But we are pretty thrilled!

I'm Back (plus one!)

There are currently many needles occupied in this apartment. (There's probably some sort of ratio for that--how many knitting projects are underway vs how much academic work I should be doing. But we won't get into that!)

On one pair of them is a lacy scarf for myself knit from the delicious Tart colorway in Madeleine Tosh lace. I. Love. This. Red. It is amazing. But the pattern is a very slow knit.

Another is a Christmas project for my brother. (I don't think he reads this blog? But if he does: Anthony, STOP READING.) It's that odd grey thing with the blue bumps, which Doctor Who fans might be able to recognize as the beginnings of a dalek. This is my first experience with bobbles, and I must say that I don't like the amount of time they take to knit. I much prefer nupps, which are made over the course of two rows rather than knit all at once. But I'm more than halfway through the bobble rows, so.

Last but not least ... I am knitting a Baby Surprise Jacket.

Yes--we are awaiting the arrival of a new little member of our family into the world next April. This little person is already such a part of our lives! We heard his or her heartbeat several weeks ago, and in several more weeks we will get to see him or her for the first time on ultrasound (and hopefully find out whether it's a him or a her!). Until then, my mother is knitting a white baby blanket, and I am using what I hope are fairly gender-neutral colors for this jacket, although Keith likes to point out the pink stripes in there. (There's also blue!) But he is already convinced (and has me halfway convinced!) that it's a girl. We will see! :)

I don't think I'd ever wear one of those shirts that says "I'm so crafty I make people!" It seems a bit too flippant. But I must admit, it's nice to know on days when I'm tired and get zero work done that my body, at least, is doing some hard work on some important stuff. ;)

(I apologize for the horrible quality of these photos. It is a grey and drippy day here in Pittsburgh, and my camera is throwing tempertantrums when I try to use anything other than the automatic settings.)

Joining up with Ginny's wonderful yarn along!